It is always hard to say goodbye. Especially when you know it will be for a while. We lost our little Baby M on March 5th. We had such high hopes and dreams for her, even if it sounds cliche. It's hard to believe, but when a family finds out they are expecting they immediately love that little, tiny nugget. Wes and I had stayed up late at night for weeks now even before it was official, just wondering what baby M would be like, whether Mark and her would get along, what her personality would be like. I also had the "isn't this the cutest outfit ever" moment at Target frequently. We were literally and physically expecting her to be here. Plans were made around the fact that we would be a family of 4: we didn't want to drive too much this summer, we would have to move while I was pregnant and we'd need a bigger house than we thought we would in Texas. But we were all ok with that. In fact, we were thrilled. Wes and I had started the name game early on, much sooner than most people do. I already thought baby M was a girl and after lots and lots of bickering over her name we came up with it,
MIA ELIZABETH. Isn't it a beautiful name? I loved Mia because it literally means that she is "mine" in spanish. She was ours. For us to hold and love and share with the world. Ours to watch grow and cuddle with. Ours.
So why would this happen? I think the saying goes, "bad things happen to good people" and while I'm not claiming that we're always good people, I'd like to think we're not awful. I feel robbed. That was our child, Mark's little sister, our family. Why would God let that happen? Why us? Why our little Mia? It didn't seem fair. It never will. Nothing will for that matter.
Yet we have managed to find the silver lining. It is so incredibly hard to stay in bed and mope around when there is a crazy baby in his crib calling for his "mama" to play. We are already blessed in so many ways, too many to even list but the most important blessing has been our family. I can't single out Mark or Wes because they have both been the most wonderful blessings God has ever shared with me. There are tons of families that hope and pray for one, just ONE healthy baby and we have one. How lucky are we??!! Very!
We could be upset. I have been, actually. I have asked several times "why us?" That doesn't fix anything, though. I've come to appreciate what we have even more. I try and hug Mark even more, give him one extra kiss even if he won't let me. Being sad won't bring back our little Mia, and hiding under the covers only means that Mark and I don't get extra play time in. Remembering Mia doesn't have to be by crying incessantly, although sometimes that's all I do at night, we will just value our time together much more than we did before (which was already a lot!)
All in all we are one of the lucky families. We never got to hold Mia, we never even got to see her besides an ultra sound picture. We never got to hear her little heart beat, but I know she heard mine. I know she heard Wes and Mark talking to her. Mia will always be part of the Fink clan.
Siempre sera Mia, (nuestra).
<3
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Ask and you shall receive
We have been blessed in a variety of ways. Wes and I found each other with the least of perfect timings: he was getting ready to deploy and I had lost my boyfriend in Afghanistan. It was a weird time to meet. Wes was already in a deployment mindset and didn't want to get tied down, and I was not ready for another relationship. Yet somehow we have managed to create our own little family in less than 2 years and couldn't be happier. It is crazy to think about all of the blessings we have received as a family. Wes has come home safe and sound from his deployment, we have a seriously handsome little guy, and have had a fairly easy post-deployment PCS.
However, there is one part of our life where we have had some struggles. After my c-section with Mark, there were some major complications. It was a hard recovery and after a series of tests in both Colorado and here in Virginia, we have yet to find any answers to what exactly is going on. The doctors told us nothing but bad news, anything from more surgeries, to precancerous cells. But the hardest pill to swallow was the fact that the doctors believed Mark would be an only child. We had been planning a big family; we liked the idea of tiny feet running around, yelling at each other and making a huge mess in our living room. It was so hard to tell Wes, and while he didn't show a huge disappointment I could tell it was tough on him as well. We realized that we could still have our large family through other methods like adoption, surrogates or even hormonal methods. Our hearts were set on it, but we still found the time to wonder and pray about what another little Finkster would be like. There is no doubt that we would love a child unconditionally no matter how he or she became a part of our family, but the thought of having another baby danced in our heads. I finally prayed, lots. Mostly for an answer, but also for another miracle baby.
Mark is our first miracle baby. We had taken every precaution to not get pregnant before Wes deployed simply because I didn't want him to be left out, plus we knew that once Wes came back from Afghanistan we'd have a fairly easy year. However God had different plans. By some miracle, little Mark found his way into our family and we wouldn't have it any other way. And now, we have yet another miracle baby. The one that we thought would never get here.
After several weeks of fighting for tests only to receive incorrect results (it said positive yet the doctor told me they were negative, silly Army) and having to get them done again, we have the results we've been wanting to hear. When I went into the ultrasound test, the lady said that we'd look for a little "surprise", but she was no surprise to me. I knew she'd been there for a while, 7 weeks to be "exact". Sure I'm nowhere near far enough along to know what she is, but I have a huge gut feeling she is a girl :) we already even have her name picked out. When I told Wes the news, he was thrilled. We went out to lunch and he saw the ultrasound picture and instantly had the biggest smile I've seen on him for a while. It's safe to say she is our little miracle, but I've come to realize that our family IS a huge miracle. How lucky are we? I hope I'm not jinxing us by saying all of this but we are just soo happy right now. There are so many families that wish they could even have just one little nugget and we have been blessed twice already. We are the luckiest mommy and daddy ever, and neither of us would have it any other way! The three of us are so excited for October to get here so we can meet our littlest nugget. Until then, we'll be listening to her heartbeat, reading, singing, and playing with her. We can't wait for her to get here!
However, there is one part of our life where we have had some struggles. After my c-section with Mark, there were some major complications. It was a hard recovery and after a series of tests in both Colorado and here in Virginia, we have yet to find any answers to what exactly is going on. The doctors told us nothing but bad news, anything from more surgeries, to precancerous cells. But the hardest pill to swallow was the fact that the doctors believed Mark would be an only child. We had been planning a big family; we liked the idea of tiny feet running around, yelling at each other and making a huge mess in our living room. It was so hard to tell Wes, and while he didn't show a huge disappointment I could tell it was tough on him as well. We realized that we could still have our large family through other methods like adoption, surrogates or even hormonal methods. Our hearts were set on it, but we still found the time to wonder and pray about what another little Finkster would be like. There is no doubt that we would love a child unconditionally no matter how he or she became a part of our family, but the thought of having another baby danced in our heads. I finally prayed, lots. Mostly for an answer, but also for another miracle baby.
Mark is our first miracle baby. We had taken every precaution to not get pregnant before Wes deployed simply because I didn't want him to be left out, plus we knew that once Wes came back from Afghanistan we'd have a fairly easy year. However God had different plans. By some miracle, little Mark found his way into our family and we wouldn't have it any other way. And now, we have yet another miracle baby. The one that we thought would never get here.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Mom-esticated
I constantly get asked, "so, what do you do all day?" You can see why this would get old and, slightly, frustrating. Apparently sitting at home drinking coffee while my adorable son plays quietly isn't enough...oh wait...that's not my life, is it? Alas, 'tis not.
You see, my life is far from organized or clean. I'm no Martha Stewart and my kid is no angel. I never have dinner on the table at dinner time and my poor husband hasn't seen the carpet in our bedroom since I moved in with him, especially now that Mark throws everything everywhere. I felt like a sorry excuse for a wife for a few days, but then took a step towards what I like to call "Mom-estication". Just what is this so called new life outlook? I shall explain more thoroughly.
Mom-estication is the process of being a much classier, younger version of the ever popular Martha Stewart/Betty Crocker stereotype. Some women may be offended by these terms while others strive to be just like them. Hence why I made my own title for it. I loathe the terms "house wife" and "stay at home mom". I feel like they underestimate my duties around the house. They both indicate that I do nothing else but cook, clean and watch the baby. When in reality, I do much more. Anything and everything from digging carrots out of Mark's nose, to cleaning up the a fore mentioned carrots out of our carpet, to organizing closets and making a home made dinner from scratch by the time Wes is home. Is it always on time? No. Is the house always clean? Absolutely not. Does anyone mind? Not really. And that's why I love my husband. He understand what it's like to be a full time mommy, never underestimates me and helps around as well. He's the complete package! I'm such a lucky ducky. It can be very easy to get lost amidst all of the house wife confusion. Sometimes people call me that without meaning any harm and that's ok. However, I wanted to elaborate on why those names are so ignorant. If anything, my husband is a much better "house wife" than I am, and that is perfectly fine by me, both of us actually. In our house we don't care about who does what, or whether the chores are split up evenly. As long as stuff is getting done we're ok :) we work as an awesome team and it comes together awesomely. By now I'm just rambling, so much of this probably doesn't make sense. And I'm ok with that :)
<3 the Finks
You see, my life is far from organized or clean. I'm no Martha Stewart and my kid is no angel. I never have dinner on the table at dinner time and my poor husband hasn't seen the carpet in our bedroom since I moved in with him, especially now that Mark throws everything everywhere. I felt like a sorry excuse for a wife for a few days, but then took a step towards what I like to call "Mom-estication". Just what is this so called new life outlook? I shall explain more thoroughly.
Mom-estication is the process of being a much classier, younger version of the ever popular Martha Stewart/Betty Crocker stereotype. Some women may be offended by these terms while others strive to be just like them. Hence why I made my own title for it. I loathe the terms "house wife" and "stay at home mom". I feel like they underestimate my duties around the house. They both indicate that I do nothing else but cook, clean and watch the baby. When in reality, I do much more. Anything and everything from digging carrots out of Mark's nose, to cleaning up the a fore mentioned carrots out of our carpet, to organizing closets and making a home made dinner from scratch by the time Wes is home. Is it always on time? No. Is the house always clean? Absolutely not. Does anyone mind? Not really. And that's why I love my husband. He understand what it's like to be a full time mommy, never underestimates me and helps around as well. He's the complete package! I'm such a lucky ducky. It can be very easy to get lost amidst all of the house wife confusion. Sometimes people call me that without meaning any harm and that's ok. However, I wanted to elaborate on why those names are so ignorant. If anything, my husband is a much better "house wife" than I am, and that is perfectly fine by me, both of us actually. In our house we don't care about who does what, or whether the chores are split up evenly. As long as stuff is getting done we're ok :) we work as an awesome team and it comes together awesomely. By now I'm just rambling, so much of this probably doesn't make sense. And I'm ok with that :)
<3 the Finks
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Virginia, thus far
We have had about a total of 2 weeks of living out here on our own, and I have to say, Virginia is just beautiful! I didn't expect to like it this much, but I could not help myself. After my parents left I really got to unpacking, which was a little rough with a crazy crawling nugget. But now that most of our stuff is unpacked we have gotten into our own little family groove, and we all love it. We have never really lived together just the three of us so this experience is brand new yet magnificent.
So far we have managed to go to the zoo and even a few Civil War areas. It's all pretty neat considering I spent the entire last semester indulging myself in anything America, and well, Wes just loves anything American. Mak has been a super star. He is up and away, a non stop crawling machine. He is still the silly baby everyone loves, but now the silly is mobile and on the go.
Lately I have gotten a chance to work on my "house wife ness". I've been tackling the cooking scene with about 75% success. Not bad for a newbie!! I think Wes has liked most of my experiments so far, it's hard to tell since he is such a good eater :) one of his many charms! Mark has been doing food experiments of his own. Marky has had everything a baby can dream of eating, even whip cream. It's so fun watching him get into trouble. Lately he likes racing us around the house; I feel running might be in store for him later. We've also been ever so slowly, planning his 1st birthday party. I love how involved Wes as been. We don't even have a theme, location, or a guest list. But that's ok. If we end up celebrating with just us three and a delicious baby size cake I'm pretty sure we will all love it anyway. I've come to realize that as long as the three of us are together it doesn't matter where we are, who we're with or what we do.Wes has a wonderful way of making everything better; his positive attitude never seizes to amaze me. I can see where Mark gets it from.
With that said, we do miss all of our family so incredibly much. It has been weird living so far away from everything I know and love. However, Wes and Mark are doing such a good job of keeping me on my toes. It's hard to even think about missing someone when I have one telling me he needs something for his potluck in class and another one screaming in his crib. But, alas, such is life, right? Can't help but love them both either way <3
So far we have managed to go to the zoo and even a few Civil War areas. It's all pretty neat considering I spent the entire last semester indulging myself in anything America, and well, Wes just loves anything American. Mak has been a super star. He is up and away, a non stop crawling machine. He is still the silly baby everyone loves, but now the silly is mobile and on the go.
Lately I have gotten a chance to work on my "house wife ness". I've been tackling the cooking scene with about 75% success. Not bad for a newbie!! I think Wes has liked most of my experiments so far, it's hard to tell since he is such a good eater :) one of his many charms! Mark has been doing food experiments of his own. Marky has had everything a baby can dream of eating, even whip cream. It's so fun watching him get into trouble. Lately he likes racing us around the house; I feel running might be in store for him later. We've also been ever so slowly, planning his 1st birthday party. I love how involved Wes as been. We don't even have a theme, location, or a guest list. But that's ok. If we end up celebrating with just us three and a delicious baby size cake I'm pretty sure we will all love it anyway. I've come to realize that as long as the three of us are together it doesn't matter where we are, who we're with or what we do.Wes has a wonderful way of making everything better; his positive attitude never seizes to amaze me. I can see where Mark gets it from.
With that said, we do miss all of our family so incredibly much. It has been weird living so far away from everything I know and love. However, Wes and Mark are doing such a good job of keeping me on my toes. It's hard to even think about missing someone when I have one telling me he needs something for his potluck in class and another one screaming in his crib. But, alas, such is life, right? Can't help but love them both either way <3
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Let the adventures begin!
We have finally made it to Virginia. After what felt like years of driving and several crazy baby moments, we made it to our home for the next 6 months. We were blessed and had the chance to spend the holidays with both of our families; Christmas with the Finks and the Vielmas met us out in Virginia for New Years. Lucky for them Mark put on a crawling show like no other! He has been unstoppable since we left Colorado and has been a curious little one getting into everything.
Now that it is just us three for the very first time, I'm reminded often of the very many reasons I fell in love with Wesley. That crazy man gets me like no one else and our son loves it when we're all together. I couldn't be happier! Mark has been loving all this time with Daddy. He gets slightly upset right after he goes to work and has been a huge cuddle bug lately. It is so sweet to see our little nugget extra happy. I think he is really enjoying this wonderful weather. It is for sure working wonders on his many baby issues! We go on walks frequently and I've already found him a play group to keep his social life exciting! He wasted no time checking out the southern ladies, though! Mark has perfected his wave and loves showing it off to everyone. What a silly nugget!!
As far as Wes goes, he's back to the daily grind. He's on what I like to call Army vacay. He goes off to work bright and early and comes home no later than 4. This is unheard of in his work life so I'm enjoying every minute of it. Compared to the long hours and rough days back with his old unit, I can tell he's truly enjoying this little break, not to mention the fact that he's no longer living alone.
I've been busy myself. Unpacking and organizing has become slightly difficult with a baby that wants to empty everything out onto the floor and hide it everywhere. I've also started my Coupon group online and I'm on my way to setting up classes all over town!
As a family we have been enjoying sightseeing. We took my family to D.C. and Williamsburg, and lately we just discovered some battlefields nearby along with Civil War forts and beautiful old homes. Today we saw the sun set over the James River. A true wonder for history buffs like ourselves. We can not wait to see what else the South and East Coast have in store for us. In our first week alone we have seen many things. I'm hoping these next 6 months are just as exciting and wonderful. Until then, best wishes from the Finks!
Now that it is just us three for the very first time, I'm reminded often of the very many reasons I fell in love with Wesley. That crazy man gets me like no one else and our son loves it when we're all together. I couldn't be happier! Mark has been loving all this time with Daddy. He gets slightly upset right after he goes to work and has been a huge cuddle bug lately. It is so sweet to see our little nugget extra happy. I think he is really enjoying this wonderful weather. It is for sure working wonders on his many baby issues! We go on walks frequently and I've already found him a play group to keep his social life exciting! He wasted no time checking out the southern ladies, though! Mark has perfected his wave and loves showing it off to everyone. What a silly nugget!!
As far as Wes goes, he's back to the daily grind. He's on what I like to call Army vacay. He goes off to work bright and early and comes home no later than 4. This is unheard of in his work life so I'm enjoying every minute of it. Compared to the long hours and rough days back with his old unit, I can tell he's truly enjoying this little break, not to mention the fact that he's no longer living alone.
I've been busy myself. Unpacking and organizing has become slightly difficult with a baby that wants to empty everything out onto the floor and hide it everywhere. I've also started my Coupon group online and I'm on my way to setting up classes all over town!
As a family we have been enjoying sightseeing. We took my family to D.C. and Williamsburg, and lately we just discovered some battlefields nearby along with Civil War forts and beautiful old homes. Today we saw the sun set over the James River. A true wonder for history buffs like ourselves. We can not wait to see what else the South and East Coast have in store for us. In our first week alone we have seen many things. I'm hoping these next 6 months are just as exciting and wonderful. Until then, best wishes from the Finks!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Meet the Finks
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